Sometimes, I see myself as the prodigal son.'-_-' you may say with raised eyebrows but yes that is exactly what I mean, the only thing is that this time, I might have wandered off on my own more than once.
It's almost like a cycle, being repentant, then nothing goes wrong, fellowship reduces which causes consciousness to drop, feel sober for a while, realize my wrongs and then talk to God.
You know the last time I prayed I told God 'I always say sorry Lord, I want to move past his, I want to grow in you, I know you'll forgive me but I want more than this'. And he helped me, he really did, the only thing is that is feel I'm at that point again.
The lyrics of this song begin to play in my mind
"I know that I'm not all that I can be,
my weakness seems to get the best of me
but as long as you are here, I know that I can make it,
Every step along the way, please hear my prayer"
In some way, I know he has given me the strength to go past this. I know that although I might have fallen, surely I will rise again in him for he is the strength of my heart.
I wonder how many might feel this way atimes...I wonder how many might understand what I'm saying from the prodigal point of view.
You just know, you know it in your heart when you're distant from him, nobody needs to convince you, because he's the owner of your heart you sometimes feel like something's missing, you might be happy and all smiling to everybody but it just seems likes there's a missing piece.
Please do not hesitate to talk to him cuz Jesus is all you need plus no matter how much you mess up and feel 'Infact i'm a lost case' he is there. WAITING for you.
Revelations 3:20;
'Behold, I stand at the door & knock
If anyone hears my voice and opens the door,
I will come in to him and eat with Him,and he with me'.
